It’s been a while since I tagged a story under the “Muse” category. I don’t know if I’ve ever explained what that category means, but basically, they’re just stories that came to me in dreams. Probably not the most traditional definition of a “muse,” or maybe not really even the definition at all. But whatever.
Anyway, I don’t know how this one was supposed to end. I haven’t written a love story in a while, and I feel like it falls a little flat in the end. However, I’m posting it anyway because it’s been a while since I’ve posted something here, and my excuse is usually that I am not happy with something I wrote or that it’s not finished…but not this time!
“Hey Ryan, you want something to drink?”
“Naw, I’m good,” I said, staring down at the smooth kitchen countertop, admiring the way it sparkled under the LEDs hanging overhead. “Did your parents remodel? I don’t remember the granite.”
“It’s quartz,” Ethan said. “And yeah, they did.”
“Man, how long has it been since I’ve been here? Six years?”
“Probably about that long, yeah.”
When we were kids, I was at Ethan’s house every weekend. Now we had our own apartments in a different city, and this place where I spent much of my childhood felt so familiar, yet so foreign.
“When’s the last time you saw my sister?” he asked.
“I guess probably the last time I was here.”
“Wow, really? That long?”
“If it wasn’t me being off at college, it was her.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Just doesn’t feel like that long for some reason.”
“She home for the summer?”
“Yeah, she’s finally taking a break and not doing summer classes.”
I chuckled, remembering how hard his sister used to study. She’d sometimes knock on Ethan’s door while I was over and tell us we were yelling at our video game too loudly while she was trying to do homework.
“Good for her. She’ll miss college like a year after she graduates anyway.”
Ethan smiled. “Feeling nostalgic already?”
“I’m not gonna lie, I miss the experience, but the classes…hell no. I am so glad to be done with group projects.”
A door closed down the hall, causing me to arch an eyebrow. “I thought your parents were out?”
“They are,” he said, lowering the glass of water he’d been sipping from. “That’s Elaine.”
“Oh, I guess it didn’t click. That’s why you brought her up?”
“Duh,” he said, rolling his eyes.
When she walked into the kitchen, I could feel my eyelids blinking at an unusual cadence.
“Elaine?” I said, not necessarily meaning to utter her name out loud.
“Ryan? Oh my God, wow! It’s been so long!”
Picture yourself as a 16-year old, and then again at 22. In my late teens, I had long hair and wore whatever was cheap or handed down from my brother. None of it fit right, and I didn’t much care.
At 22, I was wearing flannel button downs and slim, tapered jeans that ended in Red Wings that cost more than my entire warddrobe did in my teens. And my hair? Same as every other guy – short on the sides, long on the top, slicked back with American Crew. Some people called it “hipster.” My friends joked that I was a lumberjack. But the point is that I was unrecognizable from my 16-year old self.
Honestly, my memory of 16-year old Elaine was a little blurry. I remembered that she wore glasses for a while, and I think she went through a short goth phase. Or maybe she just had a lot of black clothes? She was cute, but I couldn’t really recall that she stood out. Maybe that was because the last half a year or so that I’d been around her, I was dating Mindy Decker, which, if I’m still being honest, severely distracted me from looking at other girls. I was sort of head-over-heels for her until we went out separate ways for college.
“Yeah,” I said, a bit flustered. “Ethan and I were just talking about that. Probably about six years.”
If I was unrecognizable from my 16-year old self, Elaine was, on the outside, a completely different person. She had on a patterned dress that was cut perfectly to accentuate her waist and hips, but stopped short at her thighs and made her legs seem impossibly long for her height. She was no more than 5’2″, but from across the room, I’d have pegged her at least half a foot taller than that. She wore thick-rimmed, tortoise shell glasses, and her chestnut hair flowed in waves down to her shoulders.
She was absolutely striking. In a room full of people, she’s the one that would catch your eye, and everyone else would fall out of view. It was almost unbelievable how different she looked.
Six years is a long time.
I got up off the barstool I’d been sitting on, trying to recognize the girl I used to know while she approached me for a hug.
“You look so different,” she said. “You’ve got the whole lumberjack thing going on.”
Ethan snickered behind me.
“Yeah, uh…ditto on that, except for the lumberjack part,” I said, ignoring him. “I barely recognized you.”
She laughed. “I acquired a sense of style after you guys went off to college.”
“Tell Ryan what you’re majoring in,” Ethan said. “No, wait. Guess. Based on what you’ve heard about her major, you’ll never get it right.”
I couldn’t remember what her hobbies had been back when we were kids, but it sounded like that wouldn’t have helped anyway.
“Close,” she said.
“Computer science? Engineering?”
“Ah! Very close!” she said.
Suddenly, Ethan’s comment made sense. “Electrical engineering?”
“Bingo!” she said. “Great guess.”
“Ethan gave me a hint,” I said.
“Our friend CJ was an EE major,” I said. “There were no girls in his class. Like, none at all. He used to complain about it all the time, and it was a running joke amongst our group for a while.”
Elaine smiled and blushed a bit. “Yeah, I’m the only girl in most of my EE classes.”
“That must be pretty rough.”
“Actually, it’s not that bad. My friend John is in EE too. It helps to know someone in any class, much less one that has a bit of a reputation for being a boy’s club.”
“Hey El, sorry to interrupt, but Ryan and I were about to head to Chili’s to meet up with Chad.”
“Oh, sorry to hold you guys up! Tell Chad ‘hi’ for me. I haven’t seen him in ages either.”
“No, it’s cool,” I said, pausing. “Actually, if you’re down for whatever Chili’s is microwaving up tonight, you’re welcome to join us. Maybe some drinks at Ginny’s after, too.”
She grinned. “I’m meeting up with a friend tonight as well, actually. But she has to leave around 7. I’ll text Ethan when I’m done and meet up with you guys if you’re still out.”
As we pulled out of Ethan’s parents’ driveway, I couldn’t help but hope that I’d see Elaine later that night. I could feel my heart beating a little faster as I thought about it, leaving absolutely no doubt that I’d suddenly developed the fastest crush of my life.
Do adults have crushes? Is that what it’s called when a dude falls for a chick past high school? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Maybe it wasn’t even that. After all, what I knew of her was from 6 years ago, and those were foggy memories at best. Was it just lust? No, I wasn’t thinking about fucking her; I was thinking about talking to her – getting to know her better. But I was also positively drawn to her vivaciousness, her style, and her beauty that seemed to pause time itself. That’s what it felt like to fall for someone, right?
I didn’t enjoy my dinner that night, to be honest. It wasn’t that the food was bad; no, it was fine for what it was. The issue was that I was impatient and anxious, and talking with Chad and Ethan felt like the opening act to the main event, as awful as that sounds. Yeah, they were some of my best friends, but that night, I knew what I wanted, and everything else seemed to not matter.
Ethan’s phone buzzed as we were leaving Chili’s to head to Ginny’s. It was right after 7, and my anticipation had peaked and damn near erupted by that point.
“Is that your sister?”
“Can you look for me?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, grabbing his phone from the center console of his car, trying to remain calm. It was so strange having this come over me. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning pressing the button on the chin of his phone to see the notification.
El: Finished dinner. Ginny’s?
“It’s her,” I said, miraculously managing to hide my excitement.
“She wants to know if we’re still going to Ginny’s, I think.”
“There’s no passcode. Can you respond for me?”
On our way right now. Meet you there?
A few moments later, the phone buzzed.
El: Yep, be there in 10.
I figured that was the end of the conversation, but as I went to put the phone back in the center console, it buzzed again.
El: So…don’t hate me. Is Ryan single?
I froze, but my heart apparently didn’t get the message. I could feel it thumping and could practically see it beating out of my chest. Besides the obvious ‘holy shit, it’s kind of obvious why she’s asking that’ that ran through my mind, I also immediately had the problem of ‘how in the world did I answer that question?’
I could tell her ‘no,’ put the phone back down, and spare her the possible embarrassment. But Ethan would see his messages probably as soon as parked his car, and then I’d have to explain to him why I didn’t tell her it was me. Or I could just tell her it was me, but that would be horribly embarrassing, right? Maybe it wouldn’t be if I just immediately told her I was digging on her too.
Wait, there was a third option I hadn’t yet considered: lock the phone, put it back in the console, and pretend like I’d never seen the message. Then there was no embarrassment for her, there’d be nothing to explain to Ethan, and I still would have the knowledge that she asked.
I put the phone back in cupholder in the center console. “She’ll be there in 10 minutes.” I was cool, collected, absolutely perfect delivery. He’d never suspect that I saw that message unless he was paying really close attention and heard the phone vibrate in my hand, which I doubted.
When we pulled up at Ginny’s, Elaine was stepping out of her car. It was absolutely perfect timing. Even if Ethan saw the message, even if he suspected that I saw the message, he wouldn’t be able to ask me about it until we were alone. No way he’d say anything right in front of her.
I walked over to Elaine, pretending I didn’t notice Ethan checking his phone. My heart was still thumping, which was compounded on when she glanced down at her phone, smiled, then looked back up at me. Had Ethan replied? Is that what she was smiling about?
“Hey,” she said, flashing what was quite possibly the most enchanting smile I’d ever seen.
“Glad you could make it,” I said.
“Yeah, me too.” She paused, glanced behind her, then looked at Ethan, saying, “Hey, you mind if we catch up with you inside?”
“Sure,” he said, passing casually by me. I looked over and saw the biggest shit-eating grin on his face that I’d seen in quite some time.
All I could think was, “Oh wow, is this happening?” And she was the one taking the initiative? Was this a dream?
But still, I feigned ignorance. “What’s going on Elaine?”
“This is going to sound silly, maybe, but I just…it’s just something I have to tell you.”
Hmm, okay. Not how I thought she would lead off.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Back when you were in high school…” she paused. “God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Back when you were in high school, I had a huge crush on you.”
That’s definitely not what I was expecting to hear.
“You did?” I said, feeling a little let down.
“Yeah.” She laughed a little, looking down at her feet. “When I saw you again, those feelings came rushing back to me. I guess maybe they never went away.”
I stood there frozen, unsure what to say, despite having heard exactly what I’d been expecting to hear.
“It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way,” she said. “I just wanted to tell you.”
“No, Elaine, I-” I paused. “It’s not that. To be honest, I didn’t really have any feelings for you six years ago, but I definitely felt something earlier today when we reconnected.”
She smiled. “You know, I tried so many times to tell you how I felt when we were younger. I finally got up the courage one day, swore to myself I was going to tell you, even told Ethan I was going to do it. Then I found you were dating that girl…what was her name? Mindy?”
“Wait a minute, Ethan knew you liked me?”
“Oh yeah, totally. He found out by accident, but he swore he wouldn’t tell. Apparently he never did, either.”
“No, he didn’t,” I said. “But, I did sort of intercept that text you sent him earlier since he was driving. I replied to your first text, saw the second one, then panicked and put his phone back down.”
“Wait, so you…oh man, that’s actually kind of funny. So you were probably expecting this to happen?”
“I don’t know that I was expecting anything to happen tonight, but it was pretty clear to me why you asked him that question.”
She shook her head and laughed. “I always knew I’d have to be the one to make the move, but I never really thought it would go down like this.”
I laughed. “But it went okay, right?”
“If you’re agreeing to go on a date with me tomorrow night, then I’d say so.”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely agree to that.”
She smiled. “Then yeah, this went pretty well.”